TV CHARACTER OBITUARIES

 

The most fun I have writing is doing my series of TV CHARACTER OBITUARIES. Then again, who would even want to see Fonzie dead? To the reader, just keep in mind the cliché that it's more about the journey than the destination, so just enjoy  how I devised a way to escort him to the grave? Jessica Fletcher from Murder She Wrote deserves what I gave her for being the kiss of death to other characters. True I used to have a major crush on Yvonne Craig, who played Batgirl in the Sixties (I was only eight-years-old, but I nonetheless ravished her in my dreams), but that did not stop me from staging an elaborate end to her pretty life. And still I love her so much! 

Captain Picard Dies from a Hair Transplant

THE PLANET HIRSUTIA — The galaxy was saddened yesterday at the news of the death — from a hair-transplant miscue — of its frequent savior, Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets... (Click to read more...) 

Jessica Fletcher Murdered by Host

 

CABOT COVE, ME – Famed mystery writer and all-around nosy old bitty, Jessica Fletcher, was murdered this past weekend at the home of all-around eccentric, Ralph Nadir... (Click to read more...)

Magnum Dies While Driving a Volkswagon

 

HONOLULU, HI – Former Navy Seal and intelligence officer and private investigator, Thomas Magnum, died yesterday when his ’74 Volkswagen Bug drove off a cliff and exploded in a nano-second after,,, (Click to read more...)

Batgirl Dies of a Broken Heart

 

GOTHAM CITY – Longtime crime-fighter, Batgirl, was found dead at the public library with her face buried in a volume of The Sonnets of Shakespeare. A black Sharpie was in her right hand... (Click to read more...)

Fonzie Dies in Jukebox Accident

 

BOCA RATON, FL – Arthur Fonzarelli, aka The Fonz, aka Fonzie, aka the Italian guy who, with increasing age, bore a striking resemblance to a Lower East side Jewish butcher, died yesterday far from his legendary... (Click to read more...)

Rory Gilmore Dies at Inauguration

 

WASHINGTON, DC – The youngest of the self-styled “Gilmore Girls,” Rory, had come a long way from the days when she and her mother, Lorelai, the other half of the self-styled “Gilmore Girls,” lived in... (Click to read more...)

Cosmo Kramer Giddy-ups for Last Time

NEW YORK, NY — Cosmo Kramer died on Tuesday when he fell off a New York City police horse and onto the multi-pierced face of a man doing sit-ups in Central Park. The punk rocker with the six-pack abs... (Click to read more...)

Mary Richards Dies from a Botched Boob-Job

NEW YORK — Mary Richards died on Friday due to complications from a botched boob job. The 77-year-old Richards, a New York City resident, had been obsessed of late with her fading good looks... (Click to read more)

Norm Peterson Makes Last Call

WEST PALM BEACH, FL – Norm Peterson, weight loss guru and former barfly at some Boston hole-in-the-wall called Cheers, died on Saturday as an indirect result of his having dropped 160 pounds over... (Read more...)

Charlie’s Angel, Jill Munroe, Killed by Granddaughter

LOS ANGELES, CA – The adventurous Jill Munroe finally met her match this past Sunday at the hands of her eight-year-old granddaughter.
Ms. Munroe was a noted adrenaline junkie, having spent her teen years... (Click to read more...)

Hermey The Elf Dies in Bar Fight

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Yesterday Hermey the Elf died in the arms, or hooves, of long-time companion, Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. The death was the result of a bar fight that started with a patron... (Read more...)

Kate Austen is “Lost” a Second Time

THE ISLAND – Kate Austen, who grew up in Iowa before relocating to Purgatory for six years, has died a second time due to a malfunction in the Afterlife Phase-Shifter, a device that transitions... (Click to read more...)

I Dream of a Dead Jeannie

COCOA BEACH, FL – Former genie, Jeannie Nelson, died three days ago when, in a moment of absentmindedness, she forgot that she no longer possessed magical powers. Mrs. Nelson was on a hotel balcony... (Read more...)