The JJ Galaxy

This is where I post my miscellaneous stuff on Word Press. The items range from the funny to the serious, buy are for the most part tinged with sharp humor stemming from my light-hearted misanthropy. The straight blogs issue from my years as an avid reader of high literature and from my studies as a science major at UMass Boston -- and, yes, they are often pilfered from current students.

The Pickup Truck Driver

The usual unimaginative critic of The Pickup Truck Driver is a stereotype unto himself – that is, he employs the boring cliché that those who sit high in a Ford F-150... (Click to read more...)

Dunkin' Donuts Steps Up Pro-Littering Campaign

 

CANTON, MA — It used to be, claimed an old Dunkin’ Donuts ad, that it was time to make the donuts – now, says the longtime purveyor of fat and cholesterol, it’s time to litter the American... (Click more to read more...)

The "My Wife" Guy

The “My Wife” Guy is self-explanatory: He loves to say, “My Wife,” and it matters not at which part of the sentence he opts to incorporate his pet phrase, so long... (Click to read more...)

The Cigarette Couple

Most romantic couples – and couples who are not romantic but are together nonetheless – usually forge their bond around a theme, hobby or shared goal... (Click to read more...)

The Hippie Couple

To behold this couple is to think that Jerry Garcia has returned from the dead – the actual dead rather than the Grateful variety – to escort a Vermont lesbian to.... (Click to read more...)

The Pseudo Biker

A Pseudo Biker is a weekend biker, one with no chance of ever going to jail, except perhaps for the white collar crime of embezzling money from a non-profit... (Click to read more...)

The Volvo Driver

The Volvo Driver believes that the true objective of automotive transportation is to demonstrate moral superiority, if not angelic ascendency, in direct opposition... (Click to read more...)

Sideburn Boy

This specimen is a descendant of Cornelius Vanderbilt by way of William Howard Taft, Oliver Wendell Holmes, Elvis, the guy who played Heimie on "Get Smart"... (Click to read more...)

Jon Stewart an Informant for Paparazzi

 

NEW YORK, NY – Actors, politicians and Lynne Cheney are in shock at news that Jon Stewart has been feeding the paparazzi sensitive information about those whom he interviews... (Click to read more...)

The Deluded Writer

 

This guy is nuts, and would be committed if everyone around him did not also buy into his delusions of grandeur. For one thing, he denies the existence of television... (Click to read more...)

Sexual Selection

 

Sexual selection is far from being limited to human females posting personal ads looking for a mate who is tall, handsome and loaded with money; or to bar queens wearing spandex... (Click to read more...)

Macbeth Teaches Us About The Futility of Life

Rare is the poem – or in this case, the passage of a play that can stand by itself as a poem – whose beginning and end have been used as titles for other literary... (Click to read more...)

Jesus Has a Few Friends Over for B-Day

HEAVEN – Jesus Christ celebrated his 2016th birthday this week with a handful of friends, including his best pal, Satan, and new wife, Anna Nicole Smith.  God the... (Check to read more...)

Jesus Blasts the Liberal Elite Media

Jesus talked to reporters yesterday after two thousand years of refusing interviews.  The Son of God appeared before forty print and electronic media members... (Click to read more...)

Introducing The Walking Catfish

Let us begin a discussion about the Walking Catfish with a little limerick: There once was a catfish walking/ That had the folks in Florida talking./ The fish walked the roads,/ Got splattered like toads./

And the carcasses got drivers to balking... (Read more)

H.L. Mencken: The Great Prose Stylist

The greatest American prose stylist of the twentieth century, if alive today, would be as anonymous as the author of the hieroglyphics at Giza, with one difference: at least the guy... (Read more...)

Dead Hamas Suicide Bomber Asks Allah for Another 72 Virgins

HEAVEN – Famed Hamas martyr, Sa’id ibn al-Wazzub, is causing quite the controversy in Islamic Paradise, which shares a celestial border with the Buddhist realm of Samsara... (Read more...)

Man Grows Telephone Balls

AURORA, CO – George Casablanca had been a shy, non-confrontational man all his life – that is, until last year when he listened to a motivational tape entitled “How to be Assertive without Getting Your Ass Kicked.” The one-hour... (Read more...)

Are Science Majors Better Than Liberal Arts Majors?

On the day of my graduation from UMass-Boston, we science majors wore gold tassels while everyone else wore undistinguished white ones. At one point, a young lady Liberal Arts Major said to one of my friends... (Read more...)

How to Succeed in the Screenwriting Business

I have been, of late, receiving emails telling of momentous news on par with the Pope having just announced his departure from the Vatican so he can travel to Tibet to become a Buddhist Monk, or, if not that, then... (Read more...)

The All-American Girl

The All-American girl!...Everything thing we do, not just me, we do for HER!...And here we arrive at the heart of the argument, whether that argument be what this beautiful, blonde-haired, wholesome, god-fearing girl represents to the... (Read more...)

Robert Downey.jpg

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Robert Downey Jr. has had his share of troubles throughout his career, from his first arrest for drug possession in 1996 to breaking the ribs of Calista Flockhart while shooting a love scene for Ally... (Read more...)

I drive for Uber part-time in Denver on early morning weekends. I have 1000 rides to my credit. What is the result of this experience other than a chronically locked right knee, car payments going into a void... (Read more...)

 

I am also a certified personal fitness trainer. Below I tried to combine my love of fitness with my love of satirical writing:

 

How I Trained Cheryl Ladd in Golf Fitness

 

We all have our favorite angel. Gabriel and Michael seem to be on most people’s top five list of spiritual protectors. My list includes just one angel, and her name is Cheryl Ladd. How could anyone not feel spiritually safe... (Click to read more...)

 

How I Taught Ben Affleck and Matt Damon About Antioxidants

 

It is a well kept Hollywood secret that it was me, Jim Johnson, mythical trainer to the stars, who gave Ben Affleck and Matt Damon the idea for the most memorable line in their Academy Award-winning movie, Good Will Hunting... (Click to read more...)

How I Trained Madonna

 

I was loitering in front of my trainer picture at Einstein Fitness in Arvada, Colorado, wondering why it was that I looked nothing like Brad Pitt, when I heard a commotion at the front desk. I looked to see a group of maybe ten people whose outlandish appearance caused the word “entourage” to flit through... (Click to read more...)

Hubris The Great

My "Hubris the Great" Blog is a serial based on the character, Hubris, who is an unemployable, delusional, philosopher genius. The love of his life is a borderline illiterate chain-smoking lady named Virago, whom he met in drug rehap. I only wrote ten installments, but would someday like to expand Hubris the Great into a novel or maybe a screeplay.

 

Below are all ten stories in order of their creation:

 

An Intro to Hubris the Great

 

Hubris Works (for a brief moment) at TGIF

 

Hubris on Charlie Sheen

 

Hubris Watches "Glee"

 

Hubris Does Push-Ups

Hubris Calls Toc the Last Man

 

Hubris on "the good guy in the locker room"

 

Hubris Disses Saints and Sainthood

 

Hubris Trains to Punch Donald Trump in Face

 

Hubris Weighs in on bin Laden's Death

 

 

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